We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
