Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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