Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
