I should be sponsored by Trojan
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
