i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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