I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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