Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
