good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you win again, gameday.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
