took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
