is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
