Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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