so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
