Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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