i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
