I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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