im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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