My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
