so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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