I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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