Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
