at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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