no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I need moral support for this bender
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
