So drunk its hurt
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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