look no pants
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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