remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
