i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
