are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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