If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
