Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
