she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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