it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
