The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
