I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
