I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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