Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
