I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
