Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
