I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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