im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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