i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
