When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
