I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
