That's intense
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drunk is not a location!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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