She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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