I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He has the fingertips of a God
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