So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
