i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
