so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
