Whod you bang
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
