My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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