Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
