I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
