we have officially lost it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
