haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
