K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
