Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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