they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I pour the whiskey from now on
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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