who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
