so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
