Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
