question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think people are normalizing furries
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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