I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
