you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
