Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
