So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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